Filipino-American relationship, from a Pinay’s view
Most of the blogs and articles I read are from the western’s POV about American – Filipino relationships with contents vary…some good, some bad and some even worst. I don’t mean to sound racist but I am assuming that the ones who will read this blog with an obvious title are those people who share a same scenario or familiar with it. We can’t hide the fact that Asian and American inter-marriages are quite common and maybe over 50% is White to a Filipina (just an assumption though). The top reasons based on my own research are that Filipinas are already English speakers and is very adoptive to any cultures. Some Filipinas can attest and I for one can say that we are fighters and we value family a lot wherever parts of the world we go. Of course it doesn’t apply to everyone but in most cases this is what you often see.
I salute and admire those American men who dearly love their Filipina wives and wives love them in return. Basically, if one would love and respect a Pinay she’d return to you the same things a hundred folds. She’ll take care of you and will be a very good partner. Some cases that make the relationship bitter between a Pinay and American is mostly about money that the American husband
cannot understand. The Filipina girl on the other hand should stop the assumption that her soon to be husband is rich. It is basically normal cultural differences and it needs work, understanding and compromise; things that the two should have or adjust, agree upon and come up with a solution.
To be honest, before I arrived in Tokyo my former view of Americans or whites are they are rich people. How so? When they go to Pi, they act like very confident, heads up sort of people and most of the times come out very intimidating to ordinary Filipinos. I cannot blame people from first world who lived all their lives in comfortable living versus ordinary Filipino people who thinks owning a microwave oven is a luxury. My views then later changed when I met Lawrence. He was the most considerate person I know of. I met Lawrence in Tokyo, Japan where most locals think Filipinas are dangerous people. I had officemates who thinks Filipinas are dangerous and heartbreakers but actually it’s the other way around. My mother married Japanese and ended up broken hearted and cheated by her Japanese husband.
Anyways, in Yokosuka base where Lawrence is working I know a lot of Pinays who were acting strange just to get away from their bored life. I am quite busy with my work so I cannot fully understand why they can just make good things and stop being too emotional to find a warm company with benefits but I do not condemn them that’s their life. But those are some contributing factors why Filipinas are being generalized and sometimes harassed.
On the other hand, I think the American husbands weren’t as much reaching out to their wife’s concerns. As Asians or Filipinos, our culture is very clingy. We would be more energetic when we feel we belong in a group or accepted in a partner or approved and heard. Say, we are somewhat needy people because we are raised in a warm hearted society. As a woman, I understand the need to t to be heard by our husbands and not to mistreat us to be housekeepers or baby makers. Some Filipinas I talked with experience emotional battery. They hear words from their husbands about how they met and poor these Filipinas are and that they are even lucky they are out of poverty and they put that in their brains making them sulk, grudge for lifetime and affected their lives as a couple resulting to divorce.What Lawrence and I agree, we won’t be sleeping with unfinished arguments. Because he knows when I feel angry I don’t talk to him and my face is all gloomy and I could go that way all day long. He reach out to me, gently kissing and hugging me with a gentle sorry in my ear…warm hugs that some men cannot do coz for them it’s weakness as if they are giving their wives power over them by showing their soft part. For me, showing your soft part to a Pinay can even make you go closer. Our culture is that way, it’s about sympathy to women that rules our country and our men are so gentle to us….men doesn’t mean just partners but our fathers, uncles, sons, nephews they all pay high respect to women. When a man becomes very defensive the Pinay feels it and eventually protect herself from future hurt and she become feel dull and stubborn.
A relationship is a constant compromise I would say. I do not believe that an American man especially old men just go to Philippines to find mail order bride because they cannot get quality women in their countries and Filipinas just get marry for convenience. If these kind of scenario happens, my suggestion is just to be very careful about the people you trust. Like any other women in any countries in the world, there are bad and there are good. You’d know and feel it when she/he comes.
